


Sea Sick

by somsnosa



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Angst, Drabble, Grief, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicide, dorian pavus suffers: a novel by me, reupload, tevinter being the worst, this is super short ya'll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 15:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8377990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somsnosa/pseuds/somsnosa
Summary: A drabble inspired by Dorian and Cole's banter: "He would have said yes."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I reuploaded this after making a few minor adjustments. Enjoy!

_ He would have said yes. _

For a long time, Dorian thinks hard on those words – ‘ _ a long time _ ’ meaning, of course,  _ ‘until he reaches Skyhold’ _ , after which he gets black-out drunk and sobs naked on the floor of his quarters next to his wash bin. He thinks hard on the memory of Rilienus’s firm hands and tender touch, his soft lips, and, oh, the words that boy would say – always whispered, obscene and perfect, like two naughty children conspiring against a world unknowing. The way Dorian wanted him has nothing to do with sex.

_ He would have said yes. _

Dorian remembers sneaking away in the night, the moon his accomplice in his rebellion, and meeting his lover by the sea. By the light of the moon, they’d lie together, legs twisted together, breathing the same breath of air, laughing into each other’s skin. Rilienus would point at the stars some nights, the waves of the ocean whispering all the words they don’t say. Star-gazing becomes Dorian’s favorite activity. Dorian begins to love the sea. Rilienus’s arms become his favorite place.

Dorian sees the girl that Rilienus will marry one day; watches her fingers hold the firm muscle of his arm as he escorts her through the party, both speaking of the lively event that will be their wedding. Dorian sees the empty, lifeless expression on Rilienus’s face, a smiling mask. Dorian hates the way he moves – as if he is being pushed and pulled by some unseen puppeteer. Dorian dreams of running away.

_ He would have said yes. _

He tells Rilienus as much – not in words, but through flesh. They moon is there again, as it always is. The ocean air is cool against their skin, closer even than the other’s own.

“ _ I hate that girl, _ ” Dorian whispers against the salt of Rilienus’s neck and feels the rhythm they’d created stutter. The sand against Dorian’s back is loud and grounding, but he can’t meet Rilienus’s eyes. Dorian looks at the stars instead. His throat burns. “ _ I hate her _ .”

He doesn’t hate the girl. She’s stuck in this like they are, too. Like all of Tevinter is - home or hell, Dorian couldn’t tell anymore. He breathes the lying words against Rilienus’s skin again and again, regardless. He does not cry. Rilienus kisses Dorian’s cheeks, hands gentle and soothing on Dorian’s hips, his sides. He does not cry. He will not.

“ _ I hate that girl, _ ” he says. He means  _ I love you _ . The ocean is loud.

_ He would have said yes _ .

The day of the wedding is close approaching, but it never comes. Dorian almost wishes it had.  _ Selfish _ , he tells himself.  _ You’re so selfish. _

The upper-class of Tevinter are terrible gossips, always have been. Part of having terrible amounts of time and money is spending the majority of it finding newer and more terrible ways to spend it – and Dorian, he knows from experience, from being a part of it as well as the topic. That day, he is neither.

_ Killed himself, _ they say in their fake whispers, making small-talk, as if Rilienus's words were ever small words, as if Rilienus’s life was a small life.

_ Man ended his own life only days before his marriage, _ they say with their calculated gasps. _ End of the family line. Terrible shame. _

Dorian hates it. Dorian hates it all. Sometimes, thinking back, Dorian hates Rilienus. He hates himself more, for not being the one to save him, for not being the one to find the body, for not being the one to die. He joins the Inquisitor on a trek through the Storm Coast against his better judgment, the whispers of the sea sickening and loud. His stomach churns and he says so, he always says so, and the cutting remarks from the others help clear the daze for at least a moment, but never long enough.

Would Rilienus have stayed, had Dorian asked? Would Rilienus have run away with him, had Dorian asked him sweetly that night, words whispered in his ear gentle and obscene, like two naughty children conspiring against a world unknowing?

_ He would have said yes. _


End file.
